Syukur alhamdulillah. So, what was done was done. 9 July 2010. It wasn't a perfect night. But nothing traumatic happened to me last night and that was enough.
And I don't really have photos. I believe once I snapped a photo on my behalf, I will instantly forget how the event sounded, how it seemed in my mind's eyes, the smell and the whole atmosphere. I just like to be in that moment, taking it all in, eventhough it's not much. You can imagine my parents' dismay when I came back from New Zealand!
That night, I talked to SM Zakir for the first time in my life, after all these years of my roguish foray in the writing life. I was immediately taken in by his generosity, his soft-spokenness and his humility. I mean, I don't even deserve to be breathing in the same space with this guy! I made a conclusion, the more substantial the writer is, the more kind, generous and approachable he or she is.
Norziati, another novelist-winner, I think she is more mature than I could ever be at her age. I was a girl on too much sugar that night. Nizar, a fellow teacher-writer, we clicked instantly.
Truth, I never have the confidence enough to be with these people. What do I call them? What are their names? What will they think about me? I'm actually more paranoid than Sylvia Plath, without the cigarettes, the drugs and the alcohol.
In the end, as a writer, you just write right, write now, right now. Now, I'm sad. I have to start from square one. Back to the drawing board. Day One.